Thursday, 31 March 2011

Using the brains and the ears.

Hey sorry for the pop up window if you get it. I'm ninternet stalking (at least) one of you and it is an evil necessity. I'll get shot of it in a minute no worries.

So I take it you're like, all hopping up n down in your short pants, tongue stuck out waving to the side of your face as you eye up your EQ options on whatever the hell you're using - don't tell me I don't care!? :P
(No, do tell, because if I use similar I'll be all high fives and if I stopped using it years ago I can snicker at you, but, on the other hand, if I want it and can't afford it I'll be squinty eyed and bitter - so maybe don't).

Nah. Not yet there snapper. Still more boring annoying lecturing to sit through.


Look I have no problem whatsoever listening to your stuffs and telling you what I think. I love it.
MAXIMOOM POWAH does some cool dj mixin', as does Eeeelektreeek Addeeekt (that's in robot voice) and I love Ed-word's poetry. That's just my opinion however (and I say that especially because they are my buds (*pound* you guys) - note I didn't mention SKINNERZ' art because he has stopped visiting and never read a fucking word of the blog in the first place!), and no matter how much (or little - more like) technical knowledge I have, my opinion isn't worth JACK SHIT FUCK ALL when it comes to YOUR creative output.
I may as well be telling you I fancy your granny or your hawwwt 19 y.o. sister.
It's up to YOU to want to bone these chicks to make it worth your while persisting with their seduction.

Besides which, when can you ever truly believe someone's opinion? You know yourself you are a lying cunt at least half the time you give an opinion. If you hate it and are being 'honest' you'll say 'That's not my bag, man, but it's good if you like that kind of thing' (note: EVERYTHING is 'good' if you like THAT KINDA THING) or if you think it's weak you'll pick out at least one strength and say 'RIGHT ON man I loved when you twiddled the thing and the other thing went boop', or if it's strong you might pick a flaw in it so it can be improved (to YOUR FUCKING TASTE dickweed) and if you hate the person you might diss it completely even if it's the best thing evrorr because you just are that kind of jealous asshole.

Point? I think you get it. BE CONTENT with your own output. Sure run it by motherfuckers. Don't expect genuine feedback though. Voluntary feedback is probably a little more trustworthy (but really not worth the data protocol it's printed on). Better yet is sitting WITH someone and just feel FEELINGS. Are you proud? Embarrassed at certain bits? Take note of YOUR feelings at the time because you will instantly be seven billion times more objective about your own work when there is an audience. But also be aware of their physical response in the moment (their facial expression/body language etc. Do they jiggle - in awkwardness or in enjoyment? Do they smile, nod or maybe head bang and RAWK FINGAHZ? Do they perhaps laugh at an inappropriate juncture and point at you and just not stop fucking laughing even when you break down in tears and beg them with your face buried in their crotch to just please stop laughing at me, just... just please PLEASE stop?)

But above all YOU enjoy it and feel that it's worthy of more work YOURSELF, k?


Regarding technical issues (we touched on this last time) with YOUR SPECIFIC set up. Just know it yourself. People can help to a degree, but it's up to you to put in the work and research necessary to figure shit out. Play with it, trouble shoot/problem solve. Use your MINDlogixx to fix and customise your own gear.

If that fails there is a BRAND NEW SERVICE!!! available to you.
Write your query on a postcard and submit it to 'The Magic Google Machine In The Sky'. You should hear back with a comprehensive list of resources to check within 2-3 weeks.

Best of luck!

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Dear PryON, can you help configure my sehhhhxy new Logic Pro 9 please? No. No I cannot, do piss off.


No EQ lesson today either.

Awwwwwwww boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Yeah, boo fuckin' hoo. LISTEN UP!

We are still on the gear. (Always on the fuckin' GEAR man jack that shit in yo' veins yo. Don't do drugs kids. Drugs are very very bad for you).

But a couple of you had equipment related questions which prompts me to stay the fuck on the subject and get a little sumthin lodged FIRMLY in yizzr brains.

- or maybe just Ed-word had a question. (Wurd, Ed).

The point of REGULARLY caressing, winking at and making sweet sweet lovings with your gear is that YOUR equipment is GOOD ENOUGH! Ooooooooh KAY?

But it's up to YOU to get creative with it and make the most out of its potential.

Everyone out there what perdooces da muziks has a different set up, approach and deals with different genres and recording situations. I'm not going to take each and every motherfucker by the hand and pretend to know shit about their ambient mics and DAW (dawwwww! DAWWWWWWWWWWWW!) .. and DAW's and samplers and sequencers and all that happy shit. I will recommend software and hardware from time to time but what you do to get dem sounz on 'tape' is your own damn business!

Anything dealt with here generally applies across the board (unless it doesn't). A mixing desk is also referred to as a 'board' so that was one of those unfunny but mildly clever puns. BAM!


Do get this straight. When you are recording/'constructing' just fuck off and leave me alone. (Ah, I'm juzz kiddn, hit me up, just - ) I'm not going to talk about specific gear here because like ONE of you uses ableton live, another records vocals using a Rode NTK microphone in the shower with carpet everywhere, and someone else goes on mad long hikes in the mountains with a ZOOM H4 portable recorder to collect field recordings and mix them on a 24-track reel-to-reel in a professional studio so what's the fucking point. iKr?

GOOD FUCKING LUCK with UTILISING YOUR EQUIPMENT and getting the most out of it. You can DO IT!
Just use your magickle brain-logic and creative streak and you will capture/create wonderful sounds and come to me all

wootie woo! Check mah sooper instrumentz and voxxes and and all the drum patch!! and everything! I'm so excited I could drop a big scummy turd right here n now hooopley doop! YAYAYAYAY!

And I will respond, well, that IS rather wonderful. Shall we proceed to make the most out of this audio you have that is FULLY FUCKING FINISHED  
- stop... 
STAWWWWP dicking around with it now, k.
It's FULLY FUCKING FINISHED and ready for the mix.

And you will say yessir! Let's do this! But then be very patient with the process because there is a LOT to learn and take in to get the most from your audio, k?


Good. Simply fantastic. We'll get stuck into all that shit soon, promise.

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Fuck Your Gear

Hey there RebelRebelz.

I am eating a banana. (Thought you would appreciate that - and now you are hoping I will tell you why you gag sometimes - especially at the end of eating a banana, right? Well, it's actually NOT because you repressed the memory of your father mouth fucking you as a child (contrary to your perverted psychiatrist's bizarre theories and highly unprofessional and intrusive programming). 
You know the bits of inner skin? The flaky bits INSIDE the skin? Eat a bit of that. Now spend the rest of the day trying to get the FOUL DEAD GRANNY VAGINA taste out of your mouth. 
You're welcome very much).

In today's lesson we will (Edit: NOT!) learn dem tings abowt the pitchy volumez (aka E.Q. - stands for equalisation - yes I don't know why it is a two letter acronym either - I guess equillasaks yes, it's a pain in the hole to type. EQ. Simple nice carry on).

Before we begin I care very much to address an issue every one of you has pube tugging concerns about. 


Even if you can afford an Ambient Designer to put bits of foam on your walls (he will do this randomly btw - he hasn't any better an idea than you, but he makes fifty kazillion more quids than you do stickling foam on walls and he will charge you accordingly)...

Look DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR GEAR OR STUDIO SPACE. Buy what you can afford or use what you have. You will ALWAYS consider your equipment inadequate but it's not ok sweetie? It's not. You have a very girthy penis, ok? Don't worry shnickens you will STILL BE ABLE TO PRODUCE EXCELLENT STUFF - even MORESO if you are working within limitations - you might just get CREATIVE! hMMMM?

K. Don't worry about your gear, K? Just don't worry. There, there. It's going to be just fine.

Look, I don't think you're ready for the lesson. You really need to consider this and let it sink in.

So your homework is look over your equipment and pet it. Give it a li'l slow wink. Rub it gently and hug it. Kiss it softly, deftly. Rub your body on it. Rub your body all over that wonderful gear you have. Make love to it. Passionate steamy love.


That part is really important. It might break things.

But the exercise is a promotion of LOVE for what you have available to you to produce QUALITY SOUND. You can do it with a dictaphone, pots and pans and a one string guitar - I SWEAR to you it is POSSIBLE!

So take that dictaphone and insert it..


2nd very important thing - do not take any of your gear into yourself in any way [Edit: possible exception, tube/mic setup for a voice-box]. That one could also land you in hospital and the nurses will be showing your xray to their friends at Friday night's dinner party and they will howl laughing at that Shure SM58 microphone poking out your butt and glug down another bottle of wine and then go "MIRRIAM! MIRRIAM! Show us the X-ray again Mirrium!" and howl laughing all over again.

Just don't do it.

But DO love and make sweet love with your equipment. Cherish it and love it and trust that it can and will be capable of producing the sounds you crave so badly - even though they are a blatant rip off of Daft Punk meets Justice that everyone is doing (don't do that).

Lovely stuff. Well done. We'll get down to 'doing dem biznissez' next time, k? 
There's no rush sweetie, just hump your gear and everything will be better I promise. K? 

K, lovely stuff.

Monday, 28 March 2011

Catch up.

Hey so while I was gone let's seee....

My 'friend' hacked my account and caused a wave of panic and concern through the bloggerspherrrr.
There was a catscrap.
There was poetry. Ripped off and quite shitty vs. original and FUCKIN' 'MAZIN' sugarclitlovie
A 'disjointed/incoherent' phone call.
A really concerned wonderful person brought to TEARS over the whole PANIC MONGERING - which I still don't know if I can forgive.
On top of which the 'sound guide' (which is called "PryON's stupid guide to mixing, eq-ing and compression - dark arts he has no real clue about to be honest ffs." not 'sound guide' you total dipshit) had its first post which I'd been looking forward to doing FFS. And I think I might've posted more than a skimpy few lines of it jockourse.

But anyway. Look I can't rant about it much more than I have in the comments....

I'm just kind of chill now post detox. The world is fucking weird, very different place completely dry. I kinda like it!
(Yes, I am opening a bottle of wine now, fuck you :P)

So Saturday night I posted this:

PryON said...

*pumps hands in the air*
MAH CINEMA, my Hollywood trezhya...

And, no, not drunk :P


PryON said...

shshsh k? the guy from the club is in the room and i don't wat him to know i am typing this. he is some sort of conduit for god. he says i have a beautiful soul and technolgy darkens it but he will make it light again. so this might be the last you hear from me ever. igo to him now He calls.

I was listenin' to that Cinema tune, sippin on a tasty beverage (beer I think, judging by the cans at the top of recycling).
Skrillex remix, check it kids, definitely just. Yeah.

So I take a fit and decide I need to go clubbing right?
Fuck on my hawt jacket (fifteen squids - charity shop) get a naggin of whiskey on the way and BLAST into the club LIKE I OWN THE FUCKING JOINT!
I'm all throwing my hands and shapes and my feet are doing shit I didn't even realise they could do. I RIPPED THE PLACE APART MAN!

In the jacks some lad was rimming me about how good my moves were. Line. Sound.
Introduces me to his bird who on the sly did that sexy bite her half and deftly pop the other in your mouth thing.

Did some more even incredibler moves on the 'floor.
She sidled up and popped me another half. I was already coming up HARD and fast. Mental good drugz.

So look, this goes on for a bit, but the guy starts getting the wrong idea. (All I'm thinking of is one woman and she isn't there which is sad but I keep pretending she is and I'm dancing for her - which is probably why my moves were so UNCREDIBLY AWESOME. But they were, really.
So yer man is all up in my face and I'm all 'eh, no, man, wrong idea' and he takes offense cos I DON'T fancy his bird or whatever and chest bumps me across the dancefloor. (I KNOW! Chestbump? WHAAT?)

Bouncer removes him as he starts goading me all in my face. And she goes with and whatever.

This brown dude come over and helps me up. He is a fucking lovely soul and he starts telling me all these secrets about the universe and he's totally making sense and rubbing my back just right and all (I'm off my jammers remember).
He somehow manages to get back here (for da spleeff or something, idk), and I kind of remember this. He was all dodgy in the hall and checking the bedroom and shit and I checked into the blogging for a sec. I guess the posts mentioned by shitheadWRONGWRONGWRONG elsewhere here - and uh one here now, like).

Then somehow we are outside again. Fucking hazy now - and not in the e'n'coke'n'whiskey way... man not good at all).
A van.
I wake up in this cream room. CREAM. It was. Bedroom. Just about everything was CREAM. My head is bangin'. 
I groan and then all these fucking oddball hippie fucks start coming in the room chanting and singing. Some of the hideous old bitches had their tops of and had beads and all and shit in their hair and they're all 'Come to the River, The River of Love, The Lovely River of Life of Love of Blood and Love' or SOMETHING idk ffs.

I just wanted a fried fucking breakfast.

Nah. Fucking chick-peas man. CHICK PEAS. And I don't know what else.

Seemed we were up the mountains a bit - I could see that much out the windows, but all the freaking doors were locked to 'keep the love in' or some pure plop like that.

I'll spare you the goddamn details, but they were a crazy bunch of nutjobfreakfucks who held me captive for what 26 hours? (before I smashed a fucking window and fucking ran for it).
They force detoxed me - that was the turning point. I might have been into it otherwise, but no CHOCOLATE! They don't even eat chocolate the fuuuhhrrrrrRRREAKS!

Yeah, so I ran. Hitched, walked, hitched (no wallet or nothin' - really great guys picked me up, might tell the stories another time)... and finally got back this afternoon to discover my 'best friend' had fucked with the only thing that has meant a shit to me since - well never mind since.

I've straightened everything out as much as I can I hope.

Had to sit and listen to my Dad prattle on and on about 'responsibility' and 'consequences of your actions' for like an an hour and a half tonight fuck. He's a supportive motherfucker, my Dad and has been always there, loving and attentive, but fuck man, GROW A SENSE OF ADVENTURE FFS.

If you've been badgered by WRONGWRONGWRONG'S ridiculous pansy-ass PANICSTATIONZ! Please, please respond!!! ERRR NOOOO! It's turrible turrible oh dear. Fuck it.

(I was really tempted to post his email and you could all send him 'You fucking tool' messages, but I won't.)

Alright kids. Tomorrow we're gonna do some 'sound stuff',. Let's see... eq in the mix. It's pretty important and even if you don't do the mixing and all you will NEED TO KNOW THIS for when your STEWPID muso friends are all asking you what compression is and you're just like BUHHHHH NO NO NO! (There's a lot of that in it).

Thanks all for the concern and especially my FUCKING BESTIES on here MAXIMOOOOM POWAH!, eh, Mr. Generally Disgruntled and Robert Fünf (FOOOOOOOOOOOONF! FTW!) you guys are the best. Going to check all your shit now woop!

And of course Erikaah, mah CINEMA! I could watch you forevahh.



I'm back now but I will be properly back later. K Thanks.

K. There is a shitton of bullshit to read since my new EX BEST FUCKING FRIEND hijacked my blog and started spilling all my personal shit all over it and hinting at my password WHICH I FUCKING LOVE THAT PASSWORD AND USE IT FOR EVERYTHING SHITBIRD now I'm going to have to change it.

I was fucking hoping to get back here today and get stuck into doing the sound blog. OKAY! yes, WRONGWRONGWRONG (YOUR NAME IS ALL CAPS YOU SPA) did at least kick off the proper stuff, but it wasn't exactly his place to do that was it?
He did also make the profile pic RED which looks pretty slick. But still fuck him for being such a bollox.

Whiny sensitive shitbag trying to get into my new gf's panties sick fuck I know your game.

And of course gets all you worried and shit - I haven't even read the comments. Been too mad and eager to get his OVERCONCERNED OVERPROTECTIVE JUSTLIKEMYDAD CRUDDY POST off the top of the blog.

I di.

I have to finish this later but I'm not even going to edit, just put it up and maybe edit later I don't knw idk!K? I have to write an email..

back later. Cool bye. Thanks.

No News & 'Doing dem biznissez in the right order.'

Hello again, this is still 'Wrongwrongwrong' I am unhappy to report.

We have heard nothing since yesterday evening's phone call (see the previous post, update at the bottom of the actual post).

Rather than sit here bitting my nails, unable to concentrate on bass practice I thought I should honour PryON and continue with his work as he had intended.

I was one of the friends he wrote the sound engineering guide for, so I have a copy and thought I could paste some here for you all.
I realise many of you have much love for the man and I'm sure you too would appreciate the distraction in his own words and inimitable style.

(Try and) enjoy....
Thanks again to all,

Doing dem biznissez in the right order.

Step 1: Compose your tune.


Step 2: Decide that it's finished.

(in progress)

.... thought so.

FINISH THE FUCKING TUNE! Decide you have got to the point where any more arseing about with it will turn it into a shittier piece of shit than it already is. (Not talking about ButtMaster-Tea's tune, [Ed. He is another music friend of PryON's] just my own sense of knowing I'm going to run out of 'ctrl-z's if I keep this mucking about up and don't have a backup to revert to - because who the hell saves work as they go, right?)

Tune finished...onwards and spiral downwards into the mix.

3. Mix.

mix = get the volume for each track right?

ARRRG! Get your levels, effects and stereo spread sorted.
Mmmm. Basically "get the volume for each track", but that's like saying credits are good debits are bad in accounting.

ok.... the volume for each of my tracks varies wildly in the tune

*tears hair out* We will get to that.

When the 'volume' for each of your 'tracks' is 'right', you can MASSTOR! MASSTOR! JUST CALL MY NAME KIZ I'LL HEAR YOU SCREAM!

4. Master.

Squish your tune into a block so that it slides easily through intertubes and blasts louder than everyone else's songs out of radios (if you are very lucky).

Sunday, 27 March 2011


Hello all.
I am 'Wrongwrongwrong' (obviously that is not even my real nickname - I guess PryON just thought it would be funny).
I am a close friend of PryON.
A few days ago he emailed me and sent the link to this blog. I read much of it and was alarmed by my friend's state of mental health.

He has had issues in the past, but it was believed he was very much dealing with them and, in spite of some alcohol issues, staying focussed on being healthy.

Due to my own commitments I had been unable to meet him face to face to discuss this latest 'turn'.

He was supposed to meet with family today. I received a phone call this afternoon and immediately checked this blog.

PryON said...

shshsh k? the guy from the club is in the room and i don't wat him to know i am typing this. he is some sort of conduit for god. he says i have a beautiful soul and technolgy darkens it but he will make it light again. so this might be the last you hear from me ever. igo to him now He calls.

This was posted at about 3AM GMT (unsure because not sure of time difference especially because 'Summer' time came in to effect last night here - clocks forward one hour).

It's not known what nightclub he is referring to or who this 'guy from the club' is.
Obviously friends and family alike are following all leads.
I have volunteered to follow any leads through the blog.
I guessed his password quite easily (it was his favourite fortified beer - since been changed) and have 'hacked' his account to follow these leads.

First stop was Erika's blog. (I will be following up with you directly Erika as soon as I have this posted).
It would seem PryON and Erika have been developing a very intense connection. It's not known the extent to which this has to do with his recent disappearance, but I found this comment on one of her posts:

 PryON said...

K. I am listening to the Clash and everything for you now Erika. But I went to the club tongiht and - on my own but this guy was there and this Clash song is shit I am forwarding to the netx Augustus Pablo that's ok.
So this guy was all clued in to the universe an d shit and he was looking in to my eyes for AGES AND and he was reading my soul THROUGH MY EYES and he could tell whaty Life was and where it was headed (Back to the river he said.
back to the river)
So he said cause I was talking about you a lot.
He sais that this is not the way for me. And he touched me he touched my face and I have e never been touched like that that way by another human being. And he looked in my eyes and he told me THE TRUTH. And I can't tr te I can't say it here now but I THINK I KNOW IT NOW!
And anyway I had to come on and tell you that I KNOW AND I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU A RE ABOUT AND YOU WON'T GET ME! or.. I mean that I dunno what I mean I do love you but the man is waiting in my room and i just realised i am typing so loud he will know shhhh okay. i better go to him now.
i think i am not allowed to but i feel for you i'm sorry if you never hear from me again but i need to know the 'truth'. I will go to Him now.
3/27/2011 3:15 AM 

I appeal to all PryON's blog friends with any leads whatsoever to come forward with any informtaion regardless of how trivial.

His friends and family are very worried.

We are hoping that he has voluntarily chosen to seek Erika out rather than a worse scenario (which seems hinted at in these comments).

Please, please come forward with anything.
I will be checking his mail / blog account continually as much as humanly possible.

thanks in advance,

PryON's mother called me minutes ago.
She received a phone call from him.
He seemed disjointed and distant but he said he was safe.
He claimed to have had food and a bed to sleep in. 
When pushed for an answer he said 'no one here is hurting me'.

When asked would he come home he said 'I can't right now to you, but I am going home and will bring home to you'.
(or similar - she was understandably too upset to recall exact phrasing).

That's all we have for now, apparently it was difficult enough to get more than incoherent babble.

He has spoken through the week - in email to me,  a lot about a number of you.
I will need to check back to see who exactly (besides Erika, who has been great, thanks so much) and I may contact you directly.
Thanks to all who read and respond to this.
Fingers crossed,

Thursday, 24 March 2011

A New Leaf

K. So this week has been a pretty full on roller coaster for me since I started with the blogger stuff. FUCK ME it's been insane.
The whole wild ride is here, start to finish so FUCK A RECAP JUST READ THE BASTARDING THING YOURSELF.

I may or may not have:

got drunk 
made my new blog as white as possible
fallen in love
wanted to block anyone from following 
got pretty fucking drunk
slept outside on a bench 
dropped a xanax
been glad people were able to follow 
cried to Beach Boys acapellas
added ads to my site (click 'em you fucks) [Edit: apparently I'm not supposed to encourage you to click my ads. Cool. I only like the ballerina ones anyway. Do only if you want to and are genuinely interested in the product. I could do with a few extra pennies, but I feel like a whore and that it's dirty money anyway so fuck it. though - I could watch that thing spinning and then try and flip her to spin the other way using my mind (yeh! It's possible!)...all day. Thanks]

expressed my wish to have my ashes pressed into vinyl records
pumped my arms in the air on my table to disco music
had a very important dream about golden eggs
spontaneously ejaculated twice in four hours
got SHITFACED drunk
called my readers CUNTS
wrecked head
slept in a corner of my apartment
gone for a coffee
vomited in shame
got head wrecked
calmed the fuck down

It's time to move on. I STRONGLY considered pulling the whole thing today when the full consequences of my second MAJOR DRUNKEN BLOGGING EPISODE came apparent. I fucked up royally and then I got sad and upset and SICK even and then got kind of scared and then REALLY FUCKING MORE ASHAMED THAN I HAVE BEEN SINCE I STARTED THIS and then kind of cool everything has gone a lot better than it might have I hope.

So starting tomorrow (or maybe on Monday would be best so I can get away from the blockospears and get steamed in peace only having to deal with the usual RL consequences like fines and penalty points and maybe a night in the slammer. It's a bit unfair though like taxis are pricey enough not to mention the SOILING CHARGE WHICH IS A GUARANTEE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER FUCKEM. I can't afford that shit and like, sometimes it works out better than I'd have expected, like if the thing is completely TOTALLED just walk away and claim insurance.

But I digress.
Erika is the coolest chick on the bloggysmear who is being right back at this link: - follow it I fucking dare you. (Just ignore any of my comments, past present and future. :I )

We are going to collaborate on the best tune that will ever be made ever.
In the mean time I AM SWEARING OFF DRINKING AND BLOGGING! I will NEVER EVER DRINK AND BLOG AGAIN! And instead I will present the informative sound engineering blog I had intended initially.

So CHEERS TO THAT! *raises the last of the half bottle of gin*


SORRY for blogging drunk AGAIN

Gawd I have the shakes so bad. Sorry to everyone AGAIN for blogging drunk last night. At least I woke up *in* my apartment this time. Granted, it was in 'my corner' (technically my SAD corner) but anyway.

I got woken by my friend Jewel. She's an artist in the country side and she was coming to the city I can't tell you why I promised not to. [Edit: And if you are thinking 'Jewel, artist - pretentious bitch WELL FUCKING DON'T SHE IS A REALLY GENUINE PERSON WITH INSECURITIES AND HANG UPS AND PHOBIAS LIKE ANYONE ELSEDon't be such a judgemental shallow prick.] So she wants to meet up for coffee. And I'm all YEP I could probably do with a coffee so I arrange to meet her in the hip trendy place who do really good coffee. I'm not talking Lavazza or Illy I am talking REAL QUALITY COFFEE, fucko.
So I take a hit of gin and grab my smoking tobacco and stuff and my nice new aviator shades (they cost 2.99) and chewing gum. And meet up with her and we drink coffee. She is really funny but I can't remember anything I observed at the time that I wanted to tell you all about because my memory is a STINKING PIECE OF SHIT MEMORY WHY WON'T YOU JUST BE GOOD LIKE EVERYONE  else's memory FFS!?

The barrista, right, get this I need to explain she had the hipster glasses (I KNOW, I KNOW) and she was probably ALMOST a hipster because either her or the other barrista had MGMT playing (too mainstream for hipster now unless maybe the new album - I haven't heard it but I read the HIPSTER BULLSHIT Pitchfork review and thought 'fuck that' don't care).
But she seemed really genuine - behind the stewpid glasses. And I think she kind of liked me - you know how you can TELL. I'm not saying it was a full on 'let me suck you off in the back room NOW' kind of way, but I was all, 'nice waaaannn' about it and smiled and complimented the coffee when I went to get water (I think that was the winner right there). She 'hey'ed me then when I went to use the bathroom at the end FUCKERS HAD NO DRYER or towel dispenser only shit roll ON THE CUBICLE FLOOR so I had to dry my hands ON THE BOTTOMS OF MY OWN FUCKING TROUSER LEGS! (ffs)

I don't know the point of this story. I guess I just wanted to share the barrista thing. Should I go back? Pick flowers or some shit? Or just leave it because I really do NOT want a dumb f hipster girlfriend and I can't afucking-ford a girlfriend right now anyway.

I guess I started telling partly because Jewel really likes the tune 'Rez' by Underworld.
It is a brilliantly composed track with a very mature approach to production. It's by no means 'minimal' (in the typical, 'genre definition' sense of the word), and yet, the repetition gives it a minimal aspect (I guess I'm talking compositionally minimal here).

At almost ten minutes, it's a long track. The fact that, as a minimal enough epically long, repetitive dance/techno track, it made it on to a mainstream (enough) O.S.T. (Vanilla Sky) is indicative of its worth. [edit: my bad, I thought it was on the Vanilla Sky
OST ALBUM, but it appears that it is not].
Much kudos to Underworld for resisting the temptation to shorten it. The tune is allowed breathe and evolve at its own pace. Same goes for how the track has peaks and crests and these flow at a gentle pace even at 126 beats per minute (typical tempo for '90's house/club music).

Underworld never try to over-do the peaks on this one (vs. Rez' original release A-side, 'Born Slippy' for example) and so it makes for perfect listening music and leaves one with a sense of calm - EVEN at 126 bpm, with repetitive synth lead and four-to-the-floor drum programming.

...which brings me to my last memory of last night. I was blasting REZ out, pissing my neighbours off, no doubt, and commenting on Erika's page (I fucking shudder to think what I probably said and SORRY AGAIN to any of you who had to suffer my INANE DRUNKEN RAMBLINGS. I have a shot or two left (I know I said on the other post I finished the half bottle but I clearly didn't know what the fuck I was GOING ON ABOUT NOW DID I?) and I'll get four beers (I FUCKING WISH I could get Special Brew anywhere near here) in and that will be that. I will be good tonight I PROMISE!


I've gone all WOOoooOOzY after all the energy I expelled into all that I may lie down for a minute.

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

soooooo gin drunk right know

so gindrunk right now fuck soryy if all this is weird  my eyes are glued to the keyboard and i have after drinking half a bottle of gin so ...
I was suppose to game but I'll be honestkl  ah.
I know I would be in the same situation SITCHUAYSHUN that I was in yesterday which is  hitting triangle for a map I a H[edit I am talking about a PS2 game now[Q HAVE NO CLUE what is going on . There are all these corridors but no zombie fucks. Like I go through a dorr and there's spooky music so I'm all get tyhe shot gun (because it is a small room) get the shot gut ready but ther but then nothihgngs aha  nothihg no eh then n therre are no zombuies! heh. look .
I know it will will be same tonight and if I p[lay sober  cooole  I will be like "yup you jujst need to go into thje room and get they key and then kill some crows if you ucan and then find the girl ) and anyway...


I fucking know! 

At long last.

Robert Funf saw it and then tore my life apart for like 8 minutes but he is forgiven because it was prettyy amaxing.

K. DISCLAIMER is finalluy up and I spent  too long on here tonight and not being distracted by gaminmg I hope I will not cry [AGAIN!] or anything  (again thank you Robert) K thanks for checking in. I will just collapse and be done now. xxxxcxxxx

Do you want to ride inside my Love?

Hey. So I'm going to post the DISCLAIMER in a bit HOLD YOUR DAMN HORSES FFS - IT'S COMING! (And I see I can put it on a separate permanent page which might be an idea).

But first I wanted to share a dream I had this morning.
I was the king of a magical land and Tank Girl was the queen. We didn't have a castle we just sat on thrones at the top of a large hill - think Teletubbies but way bigger. And there were all the weird characters running around.
Some of them were loyal followers of the King and Queen (me and TG) yellow pokemons, little smiley cartoon boys, cartoon big nose boys (lots of cartoon reference for some reason) specially sharks, an old karate man, and some normal real people too, one had an eyepatch [edit: I think it was ABE LINCOLN!] - 420 of whom had no name to speak of. 

And they would come up and say hi and they would tap me on the head and for some reason I really enjoyed it (I know, what?) and  we would give them golden eggs for doing this.

There were other creatures too - little lambikins all sinewy and bones who were cool characters but didn't pay much attention really to anyone else much and same for otters maybe? And lazy, lazy, sleepy dogs.
And yet others, who couldn't understand (or didn't try and understand or laughed in the face of) much of how the kingdom. These were the hallucinogenic mushrooms and skater dudes and my Dad (for some weird, no doubt Oedipal reason).

But I thought some of them could turn around and come up the hill and try and tap my head  and then get an egg for their trouble and that would be great and I could see specks in the distance - other creatures and people who might join in the kingdom one day.
 And then my Queen laid her head on my shoulder when everything went quiet for a moment and there was a lovely warmth and a gentle throbbing and shimmery tingling sensation.

Usually every morning I wake up with a song in my head.

After this dream it was Minnie Ripperton
- Inside My Love, which you can listen to (in High Definition! +plus NICE FUCKING PAINTING MY MAN) at this link

You can get it on the album, 'Adventures in Paradise', from amazon or whoever on CD, but do yourself a fucking favor. Get a decent record player and buy a Near Mint copy off
Richard Rudolph lovingly produced the album with coproducer Stewart Levine (who also produced The Crusades).

'Inside My Love' in particular has FINE attention to detail (check that bass drum & the hats - gives me an erection, yes, even now), excellently (stereo)doubled guitar, great bompy bass and sexy SOARING strings and just general GOOEY YUMMINESS.

Speaking of which, I need to shower and change my bed-clothes.

Don't be a pussy. D.I.S.C.O.

K. This is going to be really quick because I've had a few beers and I'm already tipsy and I just want to shut down the computer but this blogging shit is very addictive.


But two things first real quick.

1) I just found this site.
This is REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT GUYS. All my friends are dicks and my family are lovely and everything but I know they would just bury me and throw holy water and all that shit. But I don't want that! I want this.

You get cremated and they PRESS YOUR FUCKING ASHES INTO A RECORD - 30 of them in fact.

You guys are cool, so I know you would probably come through for me. We will figure out how you will know I'm dead and how to contact my family before I die (no worries, like it hopefully won't be tomorrow... just when and if).

But basically I want The Beatles 'Tomorrow Never Knows' [edite: the version on the SECOND ANTHOLOGY - the EARLIER MIX. Doesn't matter too mcuh if you fuck that up but I would prefer that one tbhj] on Side A and one of my own productions (haven't decided yet) on the B-side. And I want it played at whatever fucjking religious ceremony the fuckers choose to have. Yeah I know - it would mean two ceremonies or someshit but anyway (and my family aren't 'fuckers' I really shouldn't say that).
(I also want a MASSIVE WAKE with shittons of drink and drugs for people who actually ever gave a shit about me to get high and have a great time and FUCKING DANCE AND LAUGH 'cause life is too short.)

 K? Are we agreed then? We'll iron out the details later (and if I am hit by a bus or choke on my vomit or some shit you better find me and please just do that shit for me and I won't turn into a ghoul and climb in your ass or anything.

2) Similar subject.
Loleatta Holloway died. News is just out so I'm sure details are sketchy, but she was an AMAZING disco DIVA. Maybe some of you are old enough to remember her. Others will remember 'Ride on Time' by Black Box who sampled her for that tune. The rest of you will wtf but you should FUCKING BETTER KNOW BETTER about such amazing 
women of the 20th Century.

Here's the classic 'Love Sensation' (which is the tune sampled in 'Ride on Time'). I didn't know it was (adequately) produced by Dan Hartman (hence the slightly excessive cheese) but it's Loleatta who FUCKING KILLS in the track. She is just pure soulENERGY-NOFUCKINGSHITin-your-ears. DOWN TO THE REAL NITTY GRITTY.
You tell us babe. Tell us like we don't know.


Play it CRAZY LOUD and get on your table and pump your arms pussies. If you think that's too GAY FOR YOU then you are a FUCKING WUSS! an' that's far worse than being homosexual.
AND you aren't invited to my funeral if you're going to be like that. :P

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

What a morning & thank fuck for xanax.


(Not World of Warcraft you geeky fuck! ha sorry if I'm offending any WoW players I'm sure it is a very consuming addictive game God only knows (that song is on now MAZIN!MAZINMAZINMAZIN!) I would probably get suckered in if I tried it and wasn't spending all my time making KWOLLITTY tunage).

Everyone get Beach Boys 'Pet Sounds Sessions' set and listen to disc three. It's just a heart-fuck. Wilson is a fucking genius. And I well up listening to those words and incredible (ASTOUNDINGLY well produced) harmonies.
Disc 3 is mostly accapella. And it's just ethereally achingingly heart floodingly WONDERFUL. Especially today.
Especially today.
Especially today.
Especially today.
Especialy today.
Especially today.
Especially today.
Especially toooooday!

So I woke up... somewhere. And I was pretty cold and uncomfortable. And alone - with some fuzzy notion that there was supposed to be someone else with me but that didn't make any sense so I put it out of my head and got back to my apartment.
My mouth tasted like a rat's fucking intestine but my mouthwash was gone. Like I had a third of a bottle yesterday. (I didn't did I? Yeah, I guess I must've.)
As some of you know I drank pretty heavy yesterday. My head was BANGING! I made myself a bucket of coffee and switched on the PC. I cursed myself for finishing the cheap scotch because I could have really done with a healthy shot of it in the coffee.

I knew there was no way I was doing any music so I went straight to the blogging (I also wanted to check had I said anything embarrassing when I was drunk).

Followers of Erika's blog - - will have a good idea of what went down.
If you don't, maybe you should check it and save me having to fucking type the whole story out here ffs.
Long story short I posted, in my drunken stupor, some freaky stalker shit on her blog.
I fucking panicked. I was already shaky and sweaty enough from the booze. I actually got up and RAN around the apartment. I fucking RAN AROUND MY APARTMENT for like five minutes and collapsed in a crumpled heap on the floor. Then I popped a xanax. It had to be done. I'd been saving it for a special occasion, but fuck it. Desperate times. (Effects are just wearing off now...mmm still fizzlywarmjumbly feeling.)

So as I waited for the fucker to kick in I just tried breathing deep and steady. I braced myself for the worst, but... She didn't mind! Can you credit that?! She didn't mind! In fact she seemed to kind of *like* me for it. <3!!!!

THEN I realize a bunch of you guys are diggin' my drunken ramblings!
That's pretty unexpected, I am a 'sardonic, caustic and sarcastic' (that's in the DISCLAIMER I am *still* not getting around to posting (ffs)).. fuck, so getting shit like

I don't even know you PryON, but i love you dude.
By JaksonHunt pretty incredible to me. (And OF COURSE the whole Erika thing - that just blows my freaking mind!)

Right? But it gets better!
Just a bit ago I have a quick peek 'n' flick in my blog update window and I see my name! I'm all huh? So I click in to the blog.

I do recall hitting up an Electro music blog and digging the selections. Well. Apparently I was the 200th follower. So I guess the guy checked unsoundsound and he dug it too!
So he goes and writes me up in his post!
My brain is all W T fucketty F right now. Fucking incredible.
How does starting a stoopid sound engineer tips blog (while even stupidlier DRUNK) IMMEDIATELY result in my whole shitstain life turning around? !?!?!?!?!!???

Electric Addict, thanks man!
The post is at - btw

[edit - just listened to his first mix on here:

- and it was pretty fucking good (as long as you like dance music. His voice is a bit sexy too, maybe as long as you like men, but no, fuck that he has a sexy voice. There I said it. MANNNN... two beers and I'm already losing it. OK BLOG OFF NOW before more crazy shit happens.... fuhhhhck!]

So FUCKING WOW! If I'd've known blogging was like this I'd have started years ago. And I haven't even said THING NUMERO FUCKING UNO about sound engineering [edit: except don't drink doing it. Don't blog drunk kids - or FUCKING ALWAYS BLOG DRUNK - not sure which.] Hahaha!

So I don't know what I can do to express my gratitude. Also I'm starting to fade so I better lie down (not sure I will be able to sleep, but if I do I will be having the loveliest fuzzy dreams in the world.

K. Here - I did an image search for 'lovely fuzzy'. This one caught my eye, so here, you can have it.

Ha. And I shouldn't but I think I will have a few beers later to celebrate this glorious day! (Maybe Belgian or Polish beer, to answer your question Erika. <3).

Cool, I'm out. Back in a while. Peasout all y'all.

Oh yeah, P.S. also I checked all your blogs if you left a comment - really cool stuff out there people. Sorry if the comments back on your stuff was weird I was pretty out of it on the xanax!