...asily offended or think you might actually fucking learn something.

DISCLAIMER & INTRODUCTION - Read this if you are easily offended or think you might actually fucking learn something.

A lot of the bullplop you will read here is taken from:

PryON's stupid guide to mixing, eq-ing and compression 
- dark arts he has no real clue about to be honest ffs.

It is a guide I wrote for unappreciative dickhead friends of mine who never paid it any heed and continue to churn out really shit sounding music because they didn't PAY ANY ATTENTION WHATSOEVER, in spite of the fact that they asked for it.

However, judging from my first 3 days of proper blogging it looks like the blogworld is very distracting to me and I found it hard to even get this DISCLAIMER up even though it was PRIORITY NUMBER ONE! - in the first place.


The tone of this presentation (if you can't tell already) will be sardonic, caustic sarcasm. Mostly because I just watched all the 'You Suck at Photoshop' videos (Ep 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_X5uR7VC4M ), Charlie Sheen is all up in everyone's grill right now and I keep thinking I'm him writing this, and partly because I am a sardonic, caustically sarcastic fuck and fuck you if 'caustically' or any words are mispelled or typoed here - I'm using notepad so no squiggly red lines for me :P 

[Edit: This bit is already (more or less) in my profile description. (Also, can some English professor or someone tell me where the full stop/period is supposed to go in or outside of parentheses and what if it's a question?).?]?!

Furthermore, NOTHING written in this guide is correct. I am a charlatan and a fake. I do not know ANYTHING about music production - especially about doing it right. I mix my music in my apartment living room/kitchen with constant background noise. I have mastered tunes with the washing machine on - RIGHT BESIDE me. The fact that my musical output is astoundingly brilliant is a headfucked mystery to me also).

Finally, if you are an audiophile producer type with NS-10's and padding wherever the 'sound architect' you paid thousands to model your porfectly ombiently bolonced studio yeah whatever piss off and don't be annoying me, I'm very busy applying LFO to a sub-bass bass BAAAAYYYSSSSline, distorting looped 909 kickdrum samples and over auto-tuning a Madonna acapella. 
(And if you are that type and rage at any of this: good! MWAhahahahHAHA!)

Oh, and it contains curse words.