Mastering EQ. Like, not 'mastering eq' but Mastering: EQ, yeh?

Yeah fuck, sorry soul brothers and soul sisters, I been away a few days from the blog.
Sobriety is pretty amazing.


Granted, I did drink (at a real slow pace) from 8pm Monday to 8am Tuesday, but aside from that I haven't had a drop.


Been out walking in forests, touching leaves, lying back staring at clouds and talking to little animals. Breathing air sans alcohol breath. The world is a wonderful place through crystal sobriety.


But anyway fuck that shit, got some tasty Belgian beers in tonight and am ready to forge ahead with your mastering issues.




-------------
MASTERING: EQ.
-------------


(The dots really work. Man, I'm good.)


Follow the same EQ principles as before [fucking go and READ THE PREVIOUS STUFF], but this time it's a lot more delicate and subtle.
DO NOT BOOST if you can help it! Can't stress this enough.


Here we will use a cooking analogy. Huzzah!


Roll off (turn down), cut the sub-bass frequencies - that is the fat on your meat. Slice that shit off and throw it to the dog.
Again 50hz and below (unless it's dooorty Dubstep, in which case you are fucked and will never make anything that remotely compares to yer fave - Skrillex, yoo loozer).


Drain off the juice.
Take off any mud. Nothing too drastic - there SHOULDN'T BE ANY MUD IN YOUR MIX ANYWAY NUMBNUT!


Subtly enhance and touch up a band here or there to add yummy sauce.




Now. Get BOOSTING!!!
Up in the high end is all sparkle. This is your seasoning. Taste and retaste.
Throw up those frequencies a bit here 'n 'there all the way up there.


Oooh! So shiny and sparkly!


-----------------------------------------------------------------------
GRAPHIC EQ + DIAGRAM THAT TOOK FOR FUCKIN AGES SO YOU BETTER UNDERSTAND
-----------------------------------------------------------------------




When using graphic eq (with the bands and that - no not rock bands, the things what look like little faders - DON'T CALL THEM FADERS!) make sure it's a smooth wave looking thing. Don't have *just* your 900hz slider way up (or way down, but I realise you aren't taking on board the 'no boost' rule so that is redundant) because it 'gives the kick drum definition'.
Other shit is there too spanner, and will jump out jarringly from the mix. Each slider should be relatively nestled between or sitting just above the two either side. A wavy curvey thing.


Oh fuckit. HERE:






 |    |   |    |    |    |   |   |   |   |  
 |    |   |    |    |    |   |   |   |   |  
 |    |   |    |    |    |   |   |   |   |  
 |    |   |    |    |    |   |   |   |   -  db
 |    |   -    |    -    |   |   |   -   |  
 |    -   |    -    |    -   |   -   |   |  
 -    |   |    |    |    |   -   |   |   |  
 |    |   |    |    |    |   |   |   |   |  
30hz60hz120hz240hz480hz900hz1.8k3.6k7.2k15k


Flowy wavey curvey. See?




STILL Don't know what I'm talking about do you? (I KNEW that painstaking ascii diagram was a waste of time). 
JFGI! (Don't know what jfgi it is? (I realise I mentioned it before, but didn't clarify). This helpful link will tell you all you need to know: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=jfgi - any conundrum in the Universe can be answered at that site.)


(See what I did there? Man, I am a witty bastard).


Anyway. EQ blah blah. You can try your hand at multi-band compressy type EQ whenever you want. Just don't ask me a damn thing about it. I've used it successfully in the past, then gone back to use it next time and been all like wtf? idk whhhhhat I am doing lol this makles no difference buhhhh... and tings.




Mastering: Cuntpression next post. Oh dammmit.