Friday. Fuck yes!

It's Friday bitches!


Woooooo!


Yeah I know I don't have a 'job' but Friday is Friday and I've really got my Friday buzz on.


As such, no lesson or homework to worry about. You can revise previous posts if you're feeling particularly nerdy, but don't!


Instead let's do a field trip.
Now I don't give a fuck what you're going to say about this. I have one of those unfaltering beliefs that I get about maybe one or two things ever (one is that Jimi Hendrix is the closest thing humanity has ever witnessed to a 'God').


Skrillex. 
Skrillex is as big as heavy metal. Dubstep is pretty big with the kids right now, but Skrillex is beyond a mere music genre.
That kid can not only make some incredible music, but his tunes are LOUD, INYERFACE, WELL MIXED. Just his production alone gives me the sexwee dribbles. Even if you think it's not 'your thing' (and it fucking better be) it is VERY WORTH checking out this kid's mad production skillz.


I'm going to screencap a set list now for you kiddos.
And if you know what's good for ya you will find these tunes, and stickem in this order at a pretty fucking LOUD volume to celebrate Friday with me.

Let's do this ladies.

Get out ya seat and jump around. (I have already - fer seriuss been out my seat pumping arms headbanging and generally pretending like I am that 22 year old genius - man I am so jealous of that cunt... seething with envy at the talent).

HennnnnnnnnNJOY!

Using the brains and the ears.

Hey sorry for the pop up window if you get it. I'm ninternet stalking (at least) one of you and it is an evil necessity. I'll get shot of it in a minute no worries.

So I take it you're like, all hopping up n down in your short pants, tongue stuck out waving to the side of your face as you eye up your EQ options on whatever the hell you're using - don't tell me I don't care!? :P
(No, do tell, because if I use similar I'll be all high fives and if I stopped using it years ago I can snicker at you, but, on the other hand, if I want it and can't afford it I'll be squinty eyed and bitter - so maybe don't).

Nah. Not yet there snapper. Still more boring annoying lecturing to sit through.

#1: Use YOUR OWN FUCKING EARS.

Look I have no problem whatsoever listening to your stuffs and telling you what I think. I love it.
MAXIMOOM POWAH does some cool dj mixin', as does Eeeelektreeek Addeeekt (that's in robot voice) and I love Ed-word's poetry. That's just my opinion however (and I say that especially because they are my buds (*pound* you guys) - note I didn't mention SKINNERZ' art because he has stopped visiting and never read a fucking word of the blog in the first place!), and no matter how much (or little - more like) technical knowledge I have, my opinion isn't worth JACK SHIT FUCK ALL when it comes to YOUR creative output.
I may as well be telling you I fancy your granny or your hawwwt 19 y.o. sister.
It's up to YOU to want to bone these chicks to make it worth your while persisting with their seduction.

Besides which, when can you ever truly believe someone's opinion? You know yourself you are a lying cunt at least half the time you give an opinion. If you hate it and are being 'honest' you'll say 'That's not my bag, man, but it's good if you like that kind of thing' (note: EVERYTHING is 'good' if you like THAT KINDA THING) or if you think it's weak you'll pick out at least one strength and say 'RIGHT ON man I loved when you twiddled the thing and the other thing went boop', or if it's strong you might pick a flaw in it so it can be improved (to YOUR FUCKING TASTE dickweed) and if you hate the person you might diss it completely even if it's the best thing evrorr because you just are that kind of jealous asshole.

Point? I think you get it. BE CONTENT with your own output. Sure run it by motherfuckers. Don't expect genuine feedback though. Voluntary feedback is probably a little more trustworthy (but really not worth the data protocol it's printed on). Better yet is sitting WITH someone and just feel FEELINGS. Are you proud? Embarrassed at certain bits? Take note of YOUR feelings at the time because you will instantly be seven billion times more objective about your own work when there is an audience. But also be aware of their physical response in the moment (their facial expression/body language etc. Do they jiggle - in awkwardness or in enjoyment? Do they smile, nod or maybe head bang and RAWK FINGAHZ? Do they perhaps laugh at an inappropriate juncture and point at you and just not stop fucking laughing even when you break down in tears and beg them with your face buried in their crotch to just please stop laughing at me, just... just please PLEASE stop?)

But above all YOU enjoy it and feel that it's worthy of more work YOURSELF, k?


#Secondly, use YOUR OWN FUCKING BRAIN

Regarding technical issues (we touched on this last time) with YOUR SPECIFIC set up. Just know it yourself. People can help to a degree, but it's up to you to put in the work and research necessary to figure shit out. Play with it, trouble shoot/problem solve. Use your MINDlogixx to fix and customise your own gear.

If that fails there is a BRAND NEW SERVICE!!! available to you.
Write your query on a postcard and submit it to 'The Magic Google Machine In The Sky'. You should hear back with a comprehensive list of resources to check within 2-3 weeks.

Best of luck!

Dear PryON, can you help configure my sehhhhxy new Logic Pro 9 please? No. No I cannot, do piss off.

K, ROCKORZ!


No EQ lesson today either.


Awwwwwwww boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Yeah, boo fuckin' hoo. LISTEN UP!


We are still on the gear. (Always on the fuckin' GEAR man jack that shit in yo' veins yo. Don't do drugs kids. Drugs are very very bad for you).


But a couple of you had equipment related questions which prompts me to stay the fuck on the subject and get a little sumthin lodged FIRMLY in yizzr brains.


- or maybe just Ed-word had a question. (Wurd, Ed).


The point of REGULARLY caressing, winking at and making sweet sweet lovings with your gear is that YOUR equipment is GOOD ENOUGH! Ooooooooh KAY?


But it's up to YOU to get creative with it and make the most out of its potential.


Everyone out there what perdooces da muziks has a different set up, approach and deals with different genres and recording situations. I'm not going to take each and every motherfucker by the hand and pretend to know shit about their ambient mics and DAW (dawwwww! DAWWWWWWWWWWWW!) .. and DAW's and samplers and sequencers and all that happy shit. I will recommend software and hardware from time to time but what you do to get dem sounz on 'tape' is your own damn business!


Anything dealt with here generally applies across the board (unless it doesn't). A mixing desk is also referred to as a 'board' so that was one of those unfunny but mildly clever puns. BAM!


HEY! PAY aFUCKINGtention DOWN THE BACK!


Do get this straight. When you are recording/'constructing' just fuck off and leave me alone. (Ah, I'm juzz kiddn, hit me up, just - ) I'm not going to talk about specific gear here because like ONE of you uses ableton live, another records vocals using a Rode NTK microphone in the shower with carpet everywhere, and someone else goes on mad long hikes in the mountains with a ZOOM H4 portable recorder to collect field recordings and mix them on a 24-track reel-to-reel in a professional studio so what's the fucking point. iKr?




GOOD FUCKING LUCK with UTILISING YOUR EQUIPMENT and getting the most out of it. You can DO IT!
Just use your magickle brain-logic and creative streak and you will capture/create wonderful sounds and come to me all


wootie woo! Check mah sooper instrumentz and voxxes and and all the drum patch!! and everything! I'm so excited I could drop a big scummy turd right here n now hooopley doop! YAYAYAYAY!


And I will respond, well, that IS rather wonderful. Shall we proceed to make the most out of this audio you have that is FULLY FUCKING FINISHED  
- stop... 
STAWWWWP dicking around with it now, k.
It's FULLY FUCKING FINISHED and ready for the mix.


And you will say yessir! Let's do this! But then be very patient with the process because there is a LOT to learn and take in to get the most from your audio, k?


Oooooh KAYYYYYYY???




Good. Simply fantastic. We'll get stuck into all that shit soon, promise.

Fuck Your Gear

Hey there RebelRebelz.


I am eating a banana. (Thought you would appreciate that - and now you are hoping I will tell you why you gag sometimes - especially at the end of eating a banana, right? Well, it's actually NOT because you repressed the memory of your father mouth fucking you as a child (contrary to your perverted psychiatrist's bizarre theories and highly unprofessional and intrusive programming). 
You know the bits of inner skin? The flaky bits INSIDE the skin? Eat a bit of that. Now spend the rest of the day trying to get the FOUL DEAD GRANNY VAGINA taste out of your mouth. 
You're welcome very much).


In today's lesson we will (Edit: NOT!) learn dem tings abowt the pitchy volumez (aka E.Q. - stands for equalisation - yes I don't know why it is a two letter acronym either - I guess equillasaks yes, it's a pain in the hole to type. EQ. Simple nice carry on).


Before we begin I care very much to address an issue every one of you has pube tugging concerns about. 


Equipment. 


Even if you can afford an Ambient Designer to put bits of foam on your walls (he will do this randomly btw - he hasn't any better an idea than you, but he makes fifty kazillion more quids than you do stickling foam on walls and he will charge you accordingly)...


Look DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR GEAR OR STUDIO SPACE. Buy what you can afford or use what you have. You will ALWAYS consider your equipment inadequate but it's not ok sweetie? It's not. You have a very girthy penis, ok? Don't worry shnickens you will STILL BE ABLE TO PRODUCE EXCELLENT STUFF - even MORESO if you are working within limitations - you might just get CREATIVE! hMMMM?


K. Don't worry about your gear, K? Just don't worry. There, there. It's going to be just fine.


Look, I don't think you're ready for the lesson. You really need to consider this and let it sink in.


So your homework is look over your equipment and pet it. Give it a li'l slow wink. Rub it gently and hug it. Kiss it softly, deftly. Rub your body on it. Rub your body all over that wonderful gear you have. Make love to it. Passionate steamy love.


DO NOT CUM ON YOUR EQUIPMENT!


That part is really important. It might break things.


But the exercise is a promotion of LOVE for what you have available to you to produce QUALITY SOUND. You can do it with a dictaphone, pots and pans and a one string guitar - I SWEAR to you it is POSSIBLE!


So take that dictaphone and insert it..


WAIT! 


2nd very important thing - do not take any of your gear into yourself in any way [Edit: possible exception, tube/mic setup for a voice-box]. That one could also land you in hospital and the nurses will be showing your xray to their friends at Friday night's dinner party and they will howl laughing at that Shure SM58 microphone poking out your butt and glug down another bottle of wine and then go "MIRRIAM! MIRRIAM! Show us the X-ray again Mirrium!" and howl laughing all over again.


Just don't do it.


But DO love and make sweet love with your equipment. Cherish it and love it and trust that it can and will be capable of producing the sounds you crave so badly - even though they are a blatant rip off of Daft Punk meets Justice that everyone is doing (don't do that).


Lovely stuff. Well done. We'll get down to 'doing dem biznissez' next time, k? 
There's no rush sweetie, just hump your gear and everything will be better I promise. K? 


K, lovely stuff.

Catch up.

Hey so while I was gone let's seee....


My 'friend' hacked my account and caused a wave of panic and concern through the bloggerspherrrr.
There was a catscrap.
There was poetry. Ripped off and quite shitty vs. original and FUCKIN' 'MAZIN' sugarclitlovie
A 'disjointed/incoherent' phone call.
A really concerned wonderful person brought to TEARS over the whole PANIC MONGERING - which I still don't know if I can forgive.
On top of which the 'sound guide' (which is called "PryON's stupid guide to mixing, eq-ing and compression - dark arts he has no real clue about to be honest ffs." not 'sound guide' you total dipshit) had its first post which I'd been looking forward to doing FFS. And I think I might've posted more than a skimpy few lines of it jockourse.


But anyway. Look I can't rant about it much more than I have in the comments....


I'm just kind of chill now post detox. The world is fucking weird, very different place completely dry. I kinda like it!
(Yes, I am opening a bottle of wine now, fuck you :P)




So Saturday night I posted this:

PryON said...

*pumps hands in the air*
YOU ARE MAH CINEMA! I COULD WATCH YOU FOREVVAH! ....YOU ARE
MAH CINEMA, my Hollywood trezhya...

And, no, not drunk :P

CHOP THE BASS!

March 26, 2011 2:20 PM

PryON said...

shshsh k? the guy from the club is in the room and i don't wat him to know i am typing this. he is some sort of conduit for god. he says i have a beautiful soul and technolgy darkens it but he will make it light again. so this might be the last you hear from me ever. igo to him now He calls.

March 26, 2011 7:25 PM

I was listenin' to that Cinema tune, sippin on a tasty beverage (beer I think, judging by the cans at the top of recycling).
Skrillex remix, check it kids, definitely just. Yeah.


So I take a fit and decide I need to go clubbing right?
Fuck on my hawt jacket (fifteen squids - charity shop) get a naggin of whiskey on the way and BLAST into the club LIKE I OWN THE FUCKING JOINT!
I'm all throwing my hands and shapes and my feet are doing shit I didn't even realise they could do. I RIPPED THE PLACE APART MAN!


In the jacks some lad was rimming me about how good my moves were. Line. Sound.
Introduces me to his bird who on the sly did that sexy bite her half and deftly pop the other in your mouth thing.


Did some more even incredibler moves on the 'floor.
She sidled up and popped me another half. I was already coming up HARD and fast. Mental good drugz.


So look, this goes on for a bit, but the guy starts getting the wrong idea. (All I'm thinking of is one woman and she isn't there which is sad but I keep pretending she is and I'm dancing for her - which is probably why my moves were so UNCREDIBLY AWESOME. But they were, really.
So yer man is all up in my face and I'm all 'eh, no, man, wrong idea' and he takes offense cos I DON'T fancy his bird or whatever and chest bumps me across the dancefloor. (I KNOW! Chestbump? WHAAT?)


Bouncer removes him as he starts goading me all in my face. And she goes with and whatever.


This brown dude come over and helps me up. He is a fucking lovely soul and he starts telling me all these secrets about the universe and he's totally making sense and rubbing my back just right and all (I'm off my jammers remember).
He somehow manages to get back here (for da spleeff or something, idk), and I kind of remember this. He was all dodgy in the hall and checking the bedroom and shit and I checked into the blogging for a sec. I guess the posts mentioned by shitheadWRONGWRONGWRONG elsewhere here - and uh one here now, like).


Then somehow we are outside again. Fucking hazy now - and not in the e'n'coke'n'whiskey way... man not good at all).
A van.
Whatever.
I wake up in this cream room. CREAM. It was. Bedroom. Just about everything was CREAM. My head is bangin'. 
I groan and then all these fucking oddball hippie fucks start coming in the room chanting and singing. Some of the hideous old bitches had their tops of and had beads and all and shit in their hair and they're all 'Come to the River, The River of Love, The Lovely River of Life of Love of Blood and Love' or SOMETHING idk ffs.


I just wanted a fried fucking breakfast.


Nah. Fucking chick-peas man. CHICK PEAS. And I don't know what else.


Seemed we were up the mountains a bit - I could see that much out the windows, but all the freaking doors were locked to 'keep the love in' or some pure plop like that.


I'll spare you the goddamn details, but they were a crazy bunch of nutjobfreakfucks who held me captive for what 26 hours? (before I smashed a fucking window and fucking ran for it).
They force detoxed me - that was the turning point. I might have been into it otherwise, but no CHOCOLATE! They don't even eat chocolate the fuuuhhrrrrrRRREAKS!


Yeah, so I ran. Hitched, walked, hitched (no wallet or nothin' - really great guys picked me up, might tell the stories another time)... and finally got back this afternoon to discover my 'best friend' had fucked with the only thing that has meant a shit to me since - well never mind since.


I've straightened everything out as much as I can I hope.


Had to sit and listen to my Dad prattle on and on about 'responsibility' and 'consequences of your actions' for like an an hour and a half tonight fuck. He's a supportive motherfucker, my Dad and has been always there, loving and attentive, but fuck man, GROW A SENSE OF ADVENTURE FFS.




If you've been badgered by WRONGWRONGWRONG'S ridiculous pansy-ass PANICSTATIONZ! Please, please respond!!! ERRR NOOOO! It's turrible turrible oh dear. Fuck it.


(I was really tempted to post his email and you could all send him 'You fucking tool' messages, but I won't.)


Alright kids. Tomorrow we're gonna do some 'sound stuff',. Let's see... eq in the mix. It's pretty important and even if you don't do the mixing and all you will NEED TO KNOW THIS for when your STEWPID muso friends are all asking you what compression is and you're just like BUHHHHH NO NO NO! (There's a lot of that in it).


Thanks all for the concern and especially my FUCKING BESTIES on here MAXIMOOOOM POWAH!, eh, Mr. Generally Disgruntled and Robert Fünf (FOOOOOOOOOOOONF! FTW!) you guys are the best. Going to check all your shit now woop!


And of course Erikaah, mah CINEMA! I could watch you forevahh.

£>£>£>£>£>£>£>£><3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3


'Peasout'

I'm back now but I will be properly back later. K Thanks.

K. There is a shitton of bullshit to read since my new EX BEST FUCKING FRIEND hijacked my blog and started spilling all my personal shit all over it and hinting at my password WHICH I FUCKING LOVE THAT PASSWORD AND USE IT FOR EVERYTHING SHITBIRD now I'm going to have to change it.

I was fucking hoping to get back here today and get stuck into doing the sound blog. OKAY! yes, WRONGWRONGWRONG (YOUR NAME IS ALL CAPS YOU SPA) did at least kick off the proper stuff, but it wasn't exactly his place to do that was it?
He did also make the profile pic RED which looks pretty slick. But still fuck him for being such a bollox.

Whiny sensitive shitbag trying to get into my new gf's panties sick fuck I know your game.

And of course gets all you worried and shit - I haven't even read the comments. Been too mad and eager to get his OVERCONCERNED OVERPROTECTIVE JUSTLIKEMYDAD CRUDDY POST off the top of the blog.

I di.

I have to finish this later but I'm not even going to edit, just put it up and maybe edit later I don't knw idk!K? I have to write an email..

back later. Cool bye. Thanks.

No News & 'Doing dem biznissez in the right order.'

Hello again, this is still 'Wrongwrongwrong' I am unhappy to report.

We have heard nothing since yesterday evening's phone call (see the previous post, update at the bottom of the actual post).

Rather than sit here bitting my nails, unable to concentrate on bass practice I thought I should honour PryON and continue with his work as he had intended.

I was one of the friends he wrote the sound engineering guide for, so I have a copy and thought I could paste some here for you all.
I realise many of you have much love for the man and I'm sure you too would appreciate the distraction in his own words and inimitable style.

(Try and) enjoy....
Thanks again to all,
Wrongwrongwrong.


---------------------------------------
Doing dem biznissez in the right order.
---------------------------------------




Step 1: Compose your tune.


check




Step 2: Decide that it's finished.


(in progress)


.... thought so.


FINISH THE FUCKING TUNE! Decide you have got to the point where any more arseing about with it will turn it into a shittier piece of shit than it already is. (Not talking about ButtMaster-Tea's tune, [Ed. He is another music friend of PryON's] just my own sense of knowing I'm going to run out of 'ctrl-z's if I keep this mucking about up and don't have a backup to revert to - because who the hell saves work as they go, right?)


Tune finished...onwards and spiral downwards into the mix.




3. Mix.


mix = get the volume for each track right?


ARRRG! Get your levels, effects and stereo spread sorted.
Mmmm. Basically "get the volume for each track", but that's like saying credits are good debits are bad in accounting.


ok.... the volume for each of my tracks varies wildly in the tune

*tears hair out* We will get to that.


When the 'volume' for each of your 'tracks' is 'right', you can MASSTOR! MASSTOR! JUST CALL MY NAME KIZ I'LL HEAR YOU SCREAM!


4. Master.


Squish your tune into a block so that it slides easily through intertubes and blasts louder than everyone else's songs out of radios (if you are very lucky).